Thursday, 21 February 2008

End of Days

As most of you are probably aware, the world should be ending any day now. How can I be sure? Well, it's been a long time since I went to Sunday School, but I'm sure there was a rhyme something like, "The world is ending, this I know; cause the bible tells me so..." Clearly all you have to do is look in the bible, and it will tell you (the technical term is "prophesize") how and when it's going to happen. But just because it doesn't always happen that way is no reason not to believe us...

In any event, in case you were not aware of all the signs of the coming apocalypse, here are a few to digest. Clearly not for the faint of heart...

Global travel: Apparently, Daniel 12:4 tells us that "many shall run to and fro." This is a clear reference to the fact that there are lots of airplanes and train travel all over the world. Get out your crucifixes, cause like the great prophets, the Monkees said, "Take the last train to Clarksville..." (emphasis added)

Traffic Accidents: Not unrelated - Nahum clearly stated that the dominance of car accidents will lead directly to a Satanic uprising. This would be far more disturbing than the current anti-drunk driving ads would lead you to believe.

Knowledge will be increased: This should surprise no one - the fact that there is more and more knowledge being had by scientists and lay people alike CANNOT be good for ANY good Christian.

Debit card of the Beast; or PIN code 666: I have to say, this is my personal favorite (ahem, I mean most dire warning). In the most holy of texts (Revelation 13:15-18) it is clearly laid out that the coming of the end will be heralded by a cashless society. So it is CLEARLY no coincidence that right NOW, of all times, debit cards are becoming more and more prevalent. The buying and selling of souls has never been easier for the Devil, and they'll just take the money straight out of his account. And here is a direct quote from the website I've been referencing, in case you've been too lazy/sane to link to them:
"That may seem like pretty stiff punishment for simply accepting a Mark that allows you to buy groceries. However, this prophecy indicates that receiving the "Mark of the Beast" is not merely an economic decision, but also implies acceptance and worship of the Satan-possessed Anti-Christ, and a pledge of allegiance to his anti-God global regime."
You HAVE been warned...

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